If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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