Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
