Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
