isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sobbing to NWA
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
