She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
