were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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