In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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