Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
