Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
