I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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