I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
