I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Randomize
