you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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