We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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