No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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