Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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