K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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