Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
