I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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