I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
