I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
