I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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