well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
