Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
