I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
