Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
