Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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