I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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