Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We were destined to go to rehab together
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
