my vag is so smooth its legendary
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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