you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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