We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
