I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
