She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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