You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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