i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't deserve a penis
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
