Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
