who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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