everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
