What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
