i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
