My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He felt like a one man threesome
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
