for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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