In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Porn is love you can see.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
