there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
someone owes me an orgasm
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
