dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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