I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
40s are totally the cure
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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