I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
