I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
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he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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