so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
