what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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