my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
