i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it's like heaven, but drunker
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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