I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
