That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
