I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
