There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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