I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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