Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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