im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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