maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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