Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
