i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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