Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
