She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
