Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
