so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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