no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
