I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
