How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
