Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
