I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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